I don’t know if I want to cry or facepalm.

In other news, uhh, I dunno. I really dig that one chick a lot, but I think I’m super locked in friend zone what with that whole boyfriend thing. That is such a fucking shitty feeling. Like, if a girl is like, “well, I’ll only go to the party if you go with me” and she means it in a strictly platonic way, it is sooooo goddamn painful.

I really needa take advantage of the slowness of August to do a life view. Like, seriously look at myself and where I’m at and what I’m doing. This friend zone shit with this girl really seems to apply to my life in general, figuratively speaking. It’s like, I’m happy being with this girl as just someone to talk to and hang with and stuff. Really, that’s all good. I like hearing her problems, laughing and joking with her, or just sitting around spacing out with her, but it sucks knowing it’s not making any more progress than that.

I feel like that’s kinda like my job. I make maybe ~24k a year which is far from ideal, or great, but you know, it gets me by. It pays for my toys, it pays for my place, it pays for my car, but it’s not enough for me. My parents’ income combined is like 7 times that and I have it in my head that I wanna be a home owner, drive an Aston Martin, hobnob with hipster faggots and play with cameras all day.

I think there’s a lot of ungratefulness and ambition going on here.

Not to end on a gray note, here’s a picture of a puppy. D’awwwww.

On the way home I ran into a horrific load of traffic. Like, mad serious bumper bumper shit and I saw a lady out in the sun hitch hiking. It was kind of funny because I’ve never had a situation where I seriously wondered what I was thinking. Like, I asked myself, “umm, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Is it, “no one should be walking in this heat! I’ll pick up this poor lady!” or “hold up, I gotta see what kind of person this is. Traffic’s bad anyway, might as well be entertained.”

Like, the lady was seriously one of the most interesting people I’ve seen in a good while. She was in her 50′s easy. Her skin was white like she were dead for a week, she was dressed up in bright ass garbs and covered in a pound of make up and had these huge tits just hanging out as if she were working what’s left of her armaments of youth. So yeah, turns out she is a former call girl/stripper/junkie turned single mother/mama-san whose sobriety is ambiguous. She was carrying this pink handbag the size of a bowling ball that started wiggling and I was like, “oh jesus, are you serious? lol” Like out of a fucking cartoon, she pulls out this Boonie Chihuahua named Lovely that’s wearing a pink shirt. We went up the hill from Agana shooting the shit. She was telling me how fucked up she was back in the day, making hundreds a night turning tricks and spending it all on ice and stuff. Traffic entertainment set.

There’s road work being done at the top of the hill and our two lanes of retarded traffic starts to merge into one. She goes, “hey, get in the center lane and drive up to where it merges, I bet you I’ll get us through.” So we go up ahead and she has me roll down her window and she leans out to the Lexus at the fork, hangs her tits out the window and signals for us to get through and he just lets us by. I lol’d so goddamn hard. “Blonde hair, blue eyes and some big ol’ juggs will get you anything!” she says.

So we get to her place and it turns out she lives in the same complex as my boss and on top of that, more or less like 20 feet away. Then she… invites me inside for a drink. After accepting I start to think, “oh shit, is she still whoring?!” Then it turns to “this is fucked up! What if she’s notorious and my boss sees my car!” which becomes, “gross man, even if I was that desperate to fuck whores, there’s no way I could get it up for a lady older than my Mom*”. Luckily, we just had some Kool-Aid and Tang while she taught me some Japanese (she worked in Tumon for a couple decades). Armed with the power to ask Nippon bitches for a blowjob, we parted ways with her giving me her number to call if I wanted her to hook me up with one of her friends for an evening.

This shit was so fucking hilari-awesome, why do I feel like I gained 40 hipster points for befriending a former prostitute? I wonder if there’s an X-Box Live style hipster achievement list.

*Foot note: Jennifer Tilly, please call me. <3

But this morning I woke up a little bit earlier, washed the dishes, ate breakfast, showered, changed and made myself a cup of coffee. Waiting till I need to leave for work, I sat down at the coffee table, opened up the notebook and started clack-clacketing on the internet. “Well, Gee, Bob,” says George, “if now’s not an appropriate time to write up another blog entry, I’m not my own Uncle.”

So my Mom and Sister have come to visit this month and it’s been an absolute joy. Seriously. Like, I don’t know, I just feel so at ease being able to see my Mom all the time. Also show off to my sister that I’m a productive member of society. With a convertible. Yeah, on the shallow end, my Mom has done everything in her power to make my life easier. Like, I seriously owe her. I gave her 250 bucks to buy me groceries on the military base and she does that as well as get me a couch, a dinner table, a coffee table, a bed, an asston of appliances and kitchen crap. Not to mention cleaning the hell out of my place everytime I leave. What fortune I have.

Work’s been going cool too. Have had the usual crisises of HOLY SHIT ERIK HELP ME THE CONTROLLER EXPLODED AND I HAVE A WEDDING IN AN HOUR, but nothing big. There’s this really cute girl that started working as an assistant coordinator at Watabe. We get along pretty well, but she’s got a boyfriend. I don’t know, she’s kind of got my interest by the way she acts. She tells me shit like people she works with seem to think she’s a bitch because she doesn’t speak much, and I’m like, “well, that sounds like a familiar scenario.” And also kind of funny because we talk all the time. I also like how she didn’t get her outfit one size too small like the rest of the whores, err, coordinators. the Watabe outfit is seriously form fitting and makes ANY chick look hot, it’s amazing. this chick doesn’t like, go out of her way to make her self seem appealing ,but she really is cute. I think it’s the boyfriend thing. Lucky guy.

Have also been getting along well with the photographers. Over at Arluis, most of the guys and I are pretty cool; had a few basketball nights and we’re thinking of having a Santok vs. TBS b-ball game. Afro Man is Ichiban, numba 1, homie. I can’t wait to see my jersey. I also helped get a local guy get hired as a photographer at PhotoTown. We actually are both members of DragGuam and he drives this nicely stanced Civic. Tucking tire for a moderate slam, subtle aesthetic mods + the requisite cannibeat and Illest stickers. Cool guy too. All I really did was point him towards the HR guy of PT though. Jimmy (HR Guy) told me that they were gonna lose some shooters soon so he needed some replacements. Specifically, there’s this insanely hot Japanese chick that works for them. She’s marrying a military guy, so she’ll be having to get on up outta there. Which sucks because she’s fun to look at, err, work with.

Lately I’ve been wasting my money on JimmyUp shit. It’s some kind of addiction like Pokemon cards was. The whole concept of Jimmy up is selling the brand. All they make is logo shit. Supporting hard driving and safe sex. If you’re into cars and getting your chili wet, this is for you. That’s what it tells me. And the designs are pretty much shiny material + cute chick silhouettes. Gotta catch em all. I think I’m at 5 stickers, two air fresheners and a T-shirt. Don’t judge me.

Oh, speaking of my car. Some old guy backed into it in a parking lot. I really hope he fixes it. We’ll see about it this afternoon. My mom was trying to convince me to just let him give me cash straight up, to which all I could say is that’s a terrible and dishonest idea which would only result in me having a goofed up front end + my desired coilovers. I really need to get started on worrying about money though.

This week it finally started the off season. I work 4 days this week and less than 8 weddings between them. That’s TERRIBLE. And I have an entire MONTH of that kind of shit to deal with in August. If I were salary, shit would be so cash, but I’m not. I think next week I’ll start looking for night shift part time jobs at like a gas station maybe.

Anyway, I… need to get to work. This was healthy though, so let’s do it again sometime.

random tourist style snapshot incoming . . .

Man, can’t like, I have a girl cheat on me or something instead? I could so easier deal with that shit.

This is America; my president is black and my Lambo is blue, Nigga. Now, get the fuck outta my hotel room, and if I see you in the streets, I’m slapping the shit outta you.”