So Allan had his turn at giving me a pep talk which bounced between working and not working, which I think is a good thing when you look at it broadly. The talk he gave me let me keep my working motivation, but put my job security paranoia on a lower burner.

What he did put in my head is the fact that half the office thinks my shooting sucks and the other half baby me too much to admit it. It’s one of those things where I don’t wanna take it personally but it pisses me off all the same. It’s not gonna change the fact that I’m going to try my hardest to kick ass (since that fuck up I’ve been arriving half an hour early and leaving half an hour later to put time into reviewing tapes. I have developed a permanent, colossal headache).

But yeah, half the shooters are talking shit about my work. I mean, I’m new to video, I don’t expect to just kick ass all of a sudden, but if you’re gonna trash my shit, please help me get better instead of discussing it in private like its a conversation piece akin to morning gossip or football commentary.

Gawd, that sounds like such a chick line. “That bitch is talking about me behind my back? Fucking slut!” But seriously? This is my goddamn livelihood, not drama and not a game. It really does bother me because I really do like everyone I work with, but it’s so demeaning to know that you’re not respected professionally.

I often talk to Warren and Eric about my days in school for photography. I usually bring up how some teachers pride themselves on being such a hardass that they will toss your work in the trash. The way I describe it makes them sound like assholes right? So by those anecdotes I imply that I can take constructive criticism, but the advice my teachers gave were detailed and as blunt as their criticisms. This sneaky-sneak-behind-the-back shit doesn’t do anything but piss me off, especially when all I hear to my face is little “that’s a good shot, just close the iris a little” comments to make me think shit’s okay. That’s fucking terrible instruction. Sometimes Eric’s guilty of it too, but that’s just his inherent kindness. I really keep thinking of him as the big brother I never had and I’m sure it goes the other way for him, but that’s really not helping my shooting. Sus is the opposite though. He’ll talk shit straight up and not mention any good things because why comment on what doesn’t have problems? Half my growth at this job has been improving where Sus has directed me to (with his words that cut and burn). Before Sus, NOBODY said shit to me. The most I got was from Tony who told me to stop zooming and panning so much, and even beyond that shit he’d say would be pretty vague.

Keeping all that shit in mind made me want to name this entry “Fuck that Guy”. It’s a phrase I’ve been using a lot lately. It’s always been in good humor like “That’s DJ; he’s handsome, has a cool truck and a hot girlfriend. Fuck that guy.” It’s pretty much my way of saying “disregard that dude because they’re too cool.” But I’m really feeling like twisting it into “Fuck that guy because they’re no good to me.” “Fuck that guy because his intentions are bitch-made.” Naw, I like that phrase too much to let it be used for evil lmao. But I’m gonna do my best to pretend like all that’s a non-issue, starting with this blog post.

All I’m focusing on is getting good as shit at this job and if I can get legitimate guidance, great. If not, well, not “Fuck that Guy” (as much as I’d prefer to say it), but focus on what good help I can get.

On a lighter note I’ve been playing Dragon Age: Orgasms, err, Origin. I came for the Lesbian Sexin’, stayed for the game itself. I can’t believe I’m actually liking these bit characters. Some die, some disappear and I’m just thinking, “wha-what happen? Why?! Nuuuu-”. I’m really enjoying the strategic element of it all. I’m certain there’s a bunch of other non-bitching about work shit I’d like to talk about but… I can’t be bothered, it’s late.

This entry was posted on Thursday, December 3rd, 2009 at 10:33 pm and is filed under Another Blog, Neeeerrrrddsss, Whining, Work. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.